Story of my life these days. It seems that most people close to me have disappointed me in the last 6 months or so. Its almost become my life's theme. Its obviously one of the biggest things I have to learn, otherwise the Gods wouldn't be putting me through it time and time again. It's about expectations, too, I guess. But lowering my expectations is also causing me to lose hope in certain respects. Are expectations and hopes supposed to be directly correlated? It doesn't feel like they should be, but every time I am left disappointed, I can't help but lose a little bit of hope in humanity as a whole.
But, instead of ranting about my life, I am going to share some of the enlightenment I have acquired. Maybe talk myself into coping with these issues I have and in turn share some knowledge for others.
So what do you do with these bad feelings? When not confronted, it starts to become anger (for me, at least). Then sadness. And finally depression. I hate to say it, but this "stupid" Health class I am taking for summer school has already addressed many of my issues at hand. I'd like to discuss them because there are so many things I have learned in only these short 2 weeks and I am sure you can too.
Probably the most important thing I have learned to why people live dysfunctional and unhealthy lives comes down to not having satisfied the 3 basic emotional needs. These needs are:
1) Love. And this isn't adult love. This is unconditional parental love. Something that was brought to my attention was the confusion our society has with conditional and unconditional love. The only unconditional love you should have felt was from your parents. They should love you, regardless of anything. And what's more important is that you are not obligated to love them back. It is not your job to do that. But it is your parent's job to love you unconditionally so that you may have the ability to learn to love yourself and your own children in the same way. Conditional love is any other love between friends, significant others and yes, even siblings. One things people don't understand is that a relationship (marriage, dating or otherwise) should ALWAYS be conditional. Each person has standards and if they aren't met, the relationship isn't healthy.
2) Security. This comes down to physical and emotional. As a child, you need to have a sense of what is home and what is your's. You need to feel like you have a special place where you can be safe. Not only that, but there should be a sense of emotional security with your family. This is how you learn to trust others and acquire the skills to be intimate with others as you grow older. If this is missing, you will be searching or running from it your whole life.
3) Self-esteem. Think about this for a minute (I had to): what is the definition of self-esteem? How did you learn it? What does self-confidence mean? How do you show yourself self-respect? These are also things that are very important. There is only one person you are forced to deal with your whole life and that is you. Are you happy with who you are? Can you enjoy quiet moments with yourself? Are you lonely? Without self-love, it is impossible to learn to love another.
And another thing to think about. Each emotion you feel comes down to these three feelings:
1) Anger.
2) Sadness/Depression.
3) Fear.
Honestly think about that. What are some feelings you have, towards yourself or others? What is the source of those feelings?
For me, it's been disappointment. And how I have expressed that has been through anger. Lately, I have just been so angry. Angry that I didn't get into nursing school, angry with members of my family, angry with my social life, angry with my friends. I feel like this giant ball of fire walking around scowling at the world. And when I think about it, it has all come from my disappointment. Fear. Sadness. And my outlet is anger.
So let's face it. We cannot change anyone except ourselves. If you want a better life, if you want to expect greater things, then you change what you can control. What can you control?
H.A.L.T.
Hunger.
Anger.
Loneliness.
Tiredness.
Feed yourself. Understand that you cannot change anyone and can only control your own actions. Enjoy your own company, or step out of isolation and meet someone new. If you're tired, my god, SLEEP!
These are just some things I need to remind myself. And if I need to remind myself, chances are you do, too. So, if you've realized one thing from this blog, then I have done good. I am one step closer to becoming a health educator.
Please, feel free to post your thoughts. I love to hear what other people have to say. :)
