Holy crap, I'm an intern!

Today was my first day as an intern at Planned Parenthood!

This is kind of a big deal for me. It's basically my dream job. And to top it off, it was quite possibly the best first day any intern EVER has ever had!

It's nice to be surrounded by educated, powerful and fabulously dressed women. Each person I met was so incredibly nice to me. I received more compliments today than I think I ever have in an entire year. I just felt so comfortable and welcomed to the "family." I feel very honored to be associated with these people.

I am very happy. It feels like I found that little puzzle piece that was missing in my life. I love how close everyone seems and that people can freely express themselves and have a sense of humor. I especially like the feeling of being part of a "team" and everyone adds to it, regardless if you're a director or an intern.

All in all, I am very impressed. I had not expected something quite like what I experienced today. This is going to be a great part of my life. :)

Birth Control Options

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. THIS HAS BEEN WRITTEN THROUGH PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AND EXTENSIVE RESEARCH.

I am proud to admit that I use birth control. It doesn't scare me. It doesn't make me feel ashamed or guilty or embarrassed. It makes me happy to know I use it. I wish other females felt the same. Birth control is a medical blessing and we should feel so lucky to have the availability we have since we live in the United States. I thought I would write something about my history and research on birth control. I've used several methods and researched a ton. Maybe it would help a girl out there who is too afraid to ask or research herself. And sometimes, personal experiences are a little easier to read than a handful of statistics. So below, you will find easy to read and basic information on types of birth control.

Birth control can be used for many reasons other than just preventing pregnancies. Birth control can help aid the following medical conditions: endometriosis, polycystic ovarian syndrome, PMS, PMDD, lower cancer risks, fewer and less severe periods and acne treatment. We are lucky enough to have many different types of birth control that all can work in different ways, vary in frequency and in cost. Later, I will discuss how and where you can get these methods.

For me, I started taking birth control in the 8th grade. My periods were so bad, that I would miss school days to lay in bed at home. My doctor suggested I wait to let my period regulate itself, but after a year, there was no relief. I was started on Ortho Tri-Cyclen Low (a "tri-cycle" pill has 3 different levels of hormones it delivers to you throughout the month to better regulate with your natural body levels). This seemed to help A LOT! I was so happy to be on it. I was a sufferer of severe menstrual cramps and this magic pill made them almost unnoticeable. My only problem was that I was 13 years old and not quite responsible enough to remember to take my pill every day. Luckily, this didn't matter because I wouldn't become sexually active for the next several years. But it wasn't really that great for my body. So after about a year and a half, I stopped using birth control. My periods seemed to have regulated out by then, but they were still very heavy and painful. 

Later, I needed birth control for it's true purpose. But like many other girls at my age, I was too afraid to ask my parents for help. Fortunately for us in California, there is a wonderful law that allows minors to attain birth control without their parents consent (and to this day, has been successfully fought by Planned Parenthood every year!). So, I did what I felt I had to do. I went to the county health department, made an appointment and before I knew it, I was prescribed a new method of birth control called: NUVA RING (the Nuva Ring is a plastic vaginal ring. It is similar in size to your average hair tie. You insert one in the vagina every month and it delivers effective birth control). I continued to stay on the Nuva Ring for another 5-6 years. 

Personally, I LOVED the Nuva Ring! It made me feel great. I hardly had any problems with it. It even made me go up a cup size (also a bonus!). Although, after taking a 3 month break, I didn't use it properly and ended up having an unplanned (and unwanted!) miscarriage. That was my fault and I cannot blame the birth control for that.

I discontinued use after it started to become uncomfortable to me. The ring would sometimes "poke" out and pinch my female parts. That didn't used to happen, but no matter how I tried to position it, it just wouldn't fit right. So, after much research, I switched to Depo (Depo Provera is also known as "The Shot." Depo is injected into your body every 3 months and delivers a powerful punch of birth control. It contains different hormones and affects your body differently). The best part I liked about Depo, is you couldn't screw it up. If you took care of yourself once every three months, you were golden! Sadly, it seems that with more convenience, you make up for it in side-effects. Depo is most known for its awful side-effects: weight gain (average ~10-15 lbs.), guaranteed irregular periods/spotting (after 6-12 months, NO periods), severe headaches, moodiness, increased depression, and the worst is decreased bone density (will eventually lead to Osteoporosis if you don't take Calcium supplements while on the shot). I was on the shot for a total of 6 months (they say give it 6 months to find out how it really affects you). I noticed all of the above side-effects and was not okay with it. So today, I switched to the patch (Ortho-Evra). 

Women, something you should know about the hormones in your body: we have 2 major female hormones: estrogen and progesterone. Men have one: testosterone. Our reproductive physiology is a little complicated so here is a basic break down of how they work:

Estrogen: the major hormone for the first ~2 weeks after our period. It is the "growth hormone." Gives you energy, and builds up your endometrial lining (what you shed when you have your period). A spike in level of this hormone causes you to ovulate (release an egg). Makes your cervical mucous (gooey stuff found on your cervix) thin and slimy (so sperm can swim through it). Fun fact: estrogen also raises your body temperature! 

Progesterone: the major hormone for the 2 weeks after you ovulate. It is the "maintenance hormone." Makes you a little sluggish and maintains the endometrial lining (adds the "finishing touches"). Makes your cervical mucous thick and sticky (so sperm can't get through it). 

*when both of these hormone levels drop, THAT is when you have the week of your period!

So with that said, here is an easy to follow guide to what the major methods of birth control are and how they affect you (keep in mind these are not ALL the methods!):

- The Pill (combination pill): has BOTH estrogen and progesterone. Works by "masking" the spike in estrogen (preventing you from ovulating). Also thickens cervical mucous. Must take the pill everyday. DO NOT TAKE IF YOU SMOKE CIGARETTES OR ARE BREASTFEEDING.

- The Patch: contains the same hormones and works the same as the pill. Place one patch on your skin once a week (3 patches a month, then wait a week for your period). DO NOT TAKE IF YOU SMOKE CIGARETTES OR ARE BREASTFEEDING.

- Nuva Ring: contains the same hormones and works the same as the pill. Insert one ring every 3 weeks (then wait a week for your period). DO NOT TAKE IF YOU SMOKE CIGARETTES OR ARE BREASTFEEDING. 

- "Mini" Pill: contains only progesterone. Works by thickening cervical mucous as primary effect. Secondary effect is to prevent ovulation. Must take the same TIME every DAY (VERY important!). May cause decreased bone density. Can take if you smoke cigarettes or are breastfeeding. 

- Depo Provera (the shot): contains only progesterone. Works primarily by preventing ovulation and secondarily by thickening cervical mucous. Injected once every three months in hip or shoulder. May cause decreased bone density, weight gain, depression, delayed return of fertility, hair loss. BUT it helps reduce endometrial cancer, and decreases risk of seizures in epileptic women. Can take if you smoke cigarettes or are breastfeeding. 

- Implanon (implant): contains only progesterone. Works the same as Depo. Very small rod inserted under the skin in the arm for up to 3 years. Similar side-effects as Depo. Can take if you smoke cigarettes or are breastfeeding.

- Mirena (IUD): IUD = intrauterine device. contains only progesterone. Works primarily by 1) prevents ovulation, 2) thickens cervical mucous, 3) encourages white blood cells (part of immune system) to attack and kill sperm, eggs and small embryos. Inserted every 5 years. CONS: hurts to put in (they dilate your cervix), increased risk of PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) and can puncture the uterus (ouch!). Can take if you smoke cigarettes or are breastfeeding. 

- Paragard (IUD): NON-HORMONAL. Contains copper. Works by encouraging white blood cells to attack and kill sperm and eggs. Inserted every 10 years. Can be inserted right after childbirth! CONS: hurts to put in, increased PID, uterine punctures, heavier periods, and more painful menstrual cramps. Can take if you smoke or are breastfeeding. 

Effectiveness:

Out of 100 women, the following % will become pregnant (based off of TYPICAL* use):

- The Pill: 8% (.3% with PERFECT use) *skipping a day, etc

- The Patch: 8% (.3% with PERFECT use) *forgetting to change patch, etc

- Nuva Ring: 8% (.3% with PERFECT use) *forgetting to keep ring in, etc

- "Mini" Pill: 8% (.3% with PERFECT use) *forgetting same time every day, etc

- Depo: 3% (.3% with PERFECT use) *not getting shot in exact time frame, etc

- Implanon: .05% (same as perfect use)

- Mirena: .2% (same as perfect use)

- Paragard: .8% (.6% with PERFECT use)

I haven't included condoms, diaphragms, female condoms, etc because I feel those are great for STI protection. PLEASE NOTE THAT NONE OF THE METHODS I HAVE TALKED ABOUT ABOVE WILL PROTECT YOU AGAINST SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS!!!!!!!! These are just the methods that I am most familiar with. If you would like to know about more methods, I encourage you to do your own research.

I also highly recommend using Planned Parenthood's "My Method." It is a quiz to help find the top 3 methods for you based on your lifestyle and preferences. It is totally anonymous and can be found here: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/all-access/my-method-26542.htm

If you can't afford birth control, there is still a way for you to get it for reduced cost or for free. Planned Parenthood and other organizations are available. Do your research in your area and see what you can find. Don't be afraid to ask me, I would be more than willing to help you.

I hope this was helpful to some. Please write me a message and let me know if you found this useful! :o) Happy Preventing or Parenting (whatever floats your boat!) 

More photos:

Mondays.

One of those days. Where you hold it all together until you get to the car. You close the door and you're surrounded by a ripple of muffling. The silence deafens. You've gone into solitude. The barrier between the outside world and your world are once again separated. You can take your mask off. No one is watching or listening. It's time to let it out. Your face begins to moisten and the savory sensation of salt touches your lips. You feel release. The rest of the world falls away from you and for a moment, it's only you and your emotions.

In other words, today was this:

Funny, eh?

Does anyone else find it completely amusing (and sort of flattering) to see that I have been replaced?

I know its been like a year, but I still think its funny. :) I am watching the time, waiting to see history repeat itself. Because, as we all know, it will. Over and over and over again.

That's what makes this whole situation so pathetic. Across all parties.

Disappointment.

Story of my life these days. It seems that most people close to me have disappointed me in the last 6 months or so. Its almost become my life's theme. Its obviously one of the biggest things I have to learn, otherwise the Gods wouldn't be putting me through it time and time again. It's about expectations, too, I guess. But lowering my expectations is also causing me to lose hope in certain respects. Are expectations and hopes supposed to be directly correlated? It doesn't feel like they should be, but every time I am left disappointed, I can't help but lose a little bit of hope in humanity as a whole.

But, instead of ranting about my life, I am going to share some of the enlightenment I have acquired. Maybe talk myself into coping with these issues I have and in turn share some knowledge for others.

So what do you do with these bad feelings? When not confronted, it starts to become anger (for me, at least). Then sadness. And finally depression. I hate to say it, but this "stupid" Health class I am taking for summer school has already addressed many of my issues at hand. I'd like to discuss them because there are so many things I have learned in only these short 2 weeks and I am sure you can too.

Probably the most important thing I have learned to why people live dysfunctional and unhealthy lives comes down to not having satisfied the 3 basic emotional needs. These needs are:

1) Love. And this isn't adult love. This is unconditional parental love. Something that was brought to my attention was the confusion our society has with conditional and unconditional love. The only unconditional love you should have felt was from your parents. They should love you, regardless of anything. And what's more important is that you are not obligated to love them back. It is not your job to do that. But it is your parent's job to love you unconditionally so that you may have the ability to learn to love yourself and your own children in the same way. Conditional love is any other love between friends, significant others and yes, even siblings. One things people don't understand is that a relationship (marriage, dating or otherwise) should ALWAYS be conditional. Each person has standards and if they aren't met, the relationship isn't healthy. 

2) Security. This comes down to physical and emotional. As a child, you need to have a sense of what is home and what is your's. You need to feel like you have a special place where you can be safe. Not only that, but there should be a sense of emotional security with your family. This is how you learn to trust others and acquire the skills to be intimate with others as you grow older. If this is missing, you will be searching or running from it your whole life.

3) Self-esteem. Think about this for a minute (I had to): what is the definition of self-esteem? How did you learn it? What does self-confidence mean? How do you show yourself self-respect? These are also things that are very important. There is only one person you are forced to deal with your whole life and that is you. Are you happy with who you are? Can you enjoy quiet moments with yourself? Are you lonely? Without self-love, it is impossible to learn to love another. 

And another thing to think about. Each emotion you feel comes down to these three feelings:

1) Anger.

2) Sadness/Depression.

3) Fear.

Honestly think about that. What are some feelings you have, towards yourself or others? What is the source of those feelings? 

For me, it's been disappointment. And how I have expressed that has been through anger. Lately, I have just been so angry. Angry that I didn't get into nursing school, angry with members of my family, angry with my social life, angry with my friends. I feel like this giant ball of fire walking around scowling at the world. And when I think about it, it has all come from my disappointment. Fear. Sadness. And my outlet is anger.

So let's face it. We cannot change anyone except ourselves. If you want a better life, if you want to expect greater things, then you change what you can control. What can you control?

H.A.L.T.

Hunger.

Anger.

Loneliness.

Tiredness.

Feed yourself. Understand that you cannot change anyone and can only control your own actions. Enjoy your own company, or step out of isolation and meet someone new. If you're tired, my god, SLEEP!

These are just some things I need to remind myself. And if I need to remind myself, chances are you do, too. So, if you've realized one thing from this blog, then I have done good. I am one step closer to becoming a health educator. 

Please, feel free to post your thoughts. I love to hear what other people have to say. :)

Current Tally of Things!

+ CSU Channel Islands University: Accepted!
+ CSU Channel Islands Nursing: Declined...
+ CSU San Marcos University: Accepted!
+ CSU San Marcos Nursing: Application has moved on to the "next level"
+ Sonoma State University: ?????
+ Sonoma State Nursing: ????

The anticipation sucks!!!!!!!!

It's been a while...

Hi Everyone!

I'd like to apologize for being away for such a long time! Life has been very hectic with 13 units, 20+ hours a week tutoring and grading and being with the dance company. Despite it, I am very happy and I haven't felt this great in a very long time!

Dance has been a wonderful opportunity! We've been doing the MEE concerts and last night we helped participate for a fundraiser held at the Bacara! It was magnificent and I got to belly dance in front of 300+ people (including one them being Alan Thicke!). Next week, we will be shooting for a TV show and there are more private gigs coming up! It is also festival season...I am so blessed to have these opportunities!

School is not to great. I am working very hard, but not hard enough apparently! I am taking a bunch of stupid classes that I personally think are totally pointless, but my opinion doesn't matter. I did get accepted into CSU Channel Islands so that's splendid news! I am still waiting to hear back from Sonoma State and CSU San Marcos. The nursing program applications are in and they start to let me know in April! I hate this waiting game!

So that's pretty much what is going on in life right now. I will have more updates as I hear back from schools and look forward to graduating in May! Hopefully I will have 3 AA degrees! Wahoo!

Happy New Year!

10 New Year's Resolutions:

1) Stop worrying about the people who treat me like crapola.

2) Start cooking and baking more.

3) Stop eating so much meat.

4) Cool it on the profanity.

5) Stop dwelling on stupid issues that really are only caused by my feelings of inadequacy.

6) Kill with kindness.

7) Try to enjoy myself more and have more fun.

8) Live a happy life without feeling guilty.

9) Apply (and hopefully get a job) as a scribe.

10) Celebrate every day and share my happiness and enthusiasm with the person who I love unconditionally. I will seek to find love in all the small dark spaces of life and work on being more positive and sharing that with my boyfriend. 

At the end of the year, we'll take a tally and see how my luck turned about. :o)