I think that I can safely say that minus a day or two, this past Spring Break was one of the worst weeks of my life. I drove 8 hours after tutoring Friday night and didn’t get in to Tahoe until 3am. It was nice to be home and driving at night definitely felt like it went by fast but man is that a long drive! I got to see Joey for that one night and the next morning my mom made us all a huge homemade breakfast.
After that, things started to kind of go downhill. The housing thing was still such a mess. I broke out in hives twice from the stress, of which has NEVER happened to me before. That’s how I knew things weren’t good. I couldn’t get the issue off my mind (and yes, I am being vague for a reason. If you know the story, good for you. If you don’t, don’t ask). I waited so long to hear what the answer was going to be. And then there it was. And the decision was up to him. It was a hard decision for him and I respect that. I never wanted him to feel like he had to chose, but he needed to look at the concrete evidence and learn from the past.
But on my side, I was skeptical. Did he choose it out of guilt or genuity? Would I be left to pay for his choice if I did not walk on egg shells for the rest of my life? I had so many questions and even though I was very happy with the decision, I had my doubts and basically because I am a woman with a vagina, I cannot speak of those doubts without becoming emotional and sounding like a normal human being (P.S. welcome to the crazy world of women).
While in Tahoe, I ran into some friends of Joey’s and an ex boyfriend. I had a really good time bowling with a big group of people and hanging out at a party including the forementioned. From one friend, I heard some things were said about me behind my back that were not flattering. From the other, well let’s just say there was unnecessary drama. Later that night, it was all on my mind and if I didn’t get it off, my mind was going to EXPLODE. Unfortunately for Joey, my mind did indeed explode in an emotional, dramatic, hemorrhage over the phone. It took about 2 hours between detonation and repair. Unfortunately for me, a friend was at Joey’s the whole time and when that’s one of the few things a stranger is exposed to, it makes them become judgmental. Although, if you are already judgmental, then the next step is to become egotistical; which is in fact what happened.
Then on Friday, I drove in the middle of a huge snow storm and rainstorm all the way back to SB after an already hectic morning. I got in at 1:30am, right when Joey’s drunk posse arrive to crash. Not a problem with me, but where the eff was my drunken boyfriend? I couldn’t sleep all night. Not a single friend knew where he was. I called both hospitals and the jail and luckily no one had him. By 6am, I was sick of laying in a cold bed and staring at the ceiling listening to the whole lot snoring in the living room. I got up, dressed and took a walk to Darius’ and then to Kip’s. I went and sat by the park next to Kip’s house and listened to the ocean. IV was dead and that was how I liked it. I like feeling alone in the morning with only the sound of the ocean and the smell of salt. I looked out about a mile from Pesky’s and then saw a whale jump out of the water. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I thought I was delirious from being awake for 24 hours but then I saw several blow holes and Mother Nature and I had a moment.
I walked back shortly after and Joey strolled in at 8am. I was so relieved to see him safe and alive, but that feeling lasted shorter than the rage I had built up from coming all the way down here for his birthday just to be blown off. It took me a few hour’s nap to get over it. Then all of us hung out all day with Joey for his birthday. We came home in the afternoon and I took a nap so I could hang out with him all night. When I woke up, I called Joey to see where he was. He must’ve drunk as many drinks as he was old because he couldn’t even tell me. His friend came on the phone and he was of the same inebriation. And of course, the little shit started drama on Joey’s godamn birthday. How sweet.
Anyway…draaaaammmmmaaaa ensued. I eventually found them and made a fool of myself trying to reason with two of the drunkest people I had ever met. But that’s what you do when you love someone and their best friend is telling them lies and superficial judgments about you. Doesn’t even matter if the stories are true, NO ONE HAS THE AUTHORITY TO DO THAT IF THEY AREN’T PART OF THE RELATIOSHIP. I told him to back off for about fifteen minutes. He didn’t listen, so I punched him in the face. Damn near the best I ever felt. About 15 minutes later, it was settled (between at least Joey and me) and we go to another party where we have a bunch of friends. Word travels fast though the mouths of Tahoe because upon arrival, I was either a) congratulated, b) thanked or c) told I was envied I got to do it first. I was starting to almost feel ashamed and sorry until I heard those statements. It’s now replaced the thought of Zach Braff naked as my mental happy place.
Basically, I am only saying these things because you said some pretty fucked up shit to me and the truth always comes out when you are drunk. I don’t care if you’re pissed that I posted this. I haven’t named names (although at this point word has traveled so fast that everyone probably already knows). You FUCKED me. I know you read my blog because you told me. You also told me that you check my transcripts somehow (creepy!) of which you had so much insight to my intelligence level. The only reason I think you said all those terrible things is because you are an insecure child behind a narcissistic façade. You really have to tear people down to try to make yourself look so much better, but you’re nothing but a piece of shit who tries to make himself seem worthy through his choice in diet and saying no to pot. If you care about the earth so much then treat people with respect, shut your fucking mouth, and find a fucking hobby that doesn’t include getting shitfaced drunk every weekend. I have always thought you are the biggest hypocrite I have ever met (and I have met a lot of them throughout the years). For a short moment in time, I stood up for you and actually called you “the most generous person I know.” Proved me wrong! But I will no longer look like a fool because of you. I feel sorry for you, you know that? I wish I could say that I have high hopes for you one day becoming a better person, but I won’t hold my breath. Maybe you will and prove me wrong, but after this is posted, you become insignificant to me. I don’t care what you say and I don’t care how you feel but if you ever come between one of my relationships again, my fist will no longer be employed, but instead my knee into your balls.
All you are to me is dead skin, flaking off my hands onto the pavement.
It’s a metaphor, fool.
P.S. Happy Easter.
