Worthless.

Well, it seems that I was notified of my relationship status through Facebook. Joey and I are no longer together. Its probably for the better because we can't seem to get along these days. We haven't actually hung out in months. Its always saying one thing and doing another. It's so hard to know which is the truth. It's really hard and the only thing I can think of doing right now is crying or throwing up.

I just feel so alone. I really wanted to go to this Stand-Up Comedy show tonight for free at UCSB and I've invited about 5 or 6 people. Only 1 has responded and she can't come. The other's haven't said anything.

I am so desperate to make friends. Why does it seem so hard to do here? Its really shooting down my self esteem. Is there anything to like about me? I can't even tell anymore...

I feel worthless today. That's all.

Very sad.

This is a very sad day for me.

Instead of studying, I just spent an hour trying to retrain my body to do all my old belly dances. And I am still very, VERY, sick.

I thought it would make me feel better because I have been missing it so, but now I am just frustrated, tired and can't stop hacking.

Very sad day, indeed.

Sick.

I've apparently got this cold/flu hybrid thing. Its awful and I am miserable. I had to miss school all day Wednesday and tutoring yesterday and today. Totally sucks.

In other news, it looks like we may have found a promising place to live next year. Breakpointe in IV is cheap for a two bedroom and has an incredible amount of bonus features. It's a 92 unit complex which means that I will HAVE to make friends. Check it out:

conquesthousing.com

That's all for now. Just wanted to update a little because I am sick and stuck to my couch.

& the world spins madly on...

Life has been busy, as you can tell by the lengthy amount of time I haven't updated.

SCHOOL: is hardddd! But Physiology is becoming harder than Micro...strange? We had a quiz in Micro last week and I got ALL the hard math problems right and bombed all the Microscope identifications. Kind of a bummer, but also pretty funny at the same time. I am enjoying school though. But its going to damn near kill me.

FAMILY: Kai Kai came down to visit last Friday. She left last night. It went by so fast! But I am so glad she came. We had such a good time hanging out together. I miss her so much and it makes me so happy to know that she is moving down here with us. Hanging out in IV with her made me realize that it isn't so bad. She likes going to the beach and watching the sunsets and I never do that, so I felt like she brought that out of me. She didn't go to any parties while she was down here so its also good to know that she has the same home-body mentality as me. I think we've decided to try and live in the 6800 block of IV in a 2 bedroom house (Holly is thinking about joining us). She is going to be the best roommate everrr!

KNITTING: I made Kylie a camera case! It's awesome! I made it in about an hour, so I am getting pretty damn good at this shizzah! I'm also about half-way done with Audrey's hat. Its coming along nicely. She chose a very luxurious red yarn. Kylie and Holly ordered another 3 headbands so I am finally busy with knitting once more! It's just juggling that and school. When I should study the most is when I want to knit the most.

PERSONAL: While Kylie was in town, we spontaneously got new piercings at 'Precious Slut' in IV. She got her right tragus done and I got my helix done. I forgot before we went that I had taken two ibuprofen for my neck stitch from sleeping and when he pierced me, I gushed blood. Freaked him out! It was funny though. But damn, it hurt! WAY more than my own tragus. And Precious, my cat, accidentally kicked me in the ear last night and I started gushing blood all over again. It was awful! The pain made me want to throw up.

Everything with Joey is going more smoothly. We've both been so on edge with the combination of school, work, figuring out housing for next year amongst random other topics. But having Kylie visit really balanced me out, it felt like. Joey and I celebrated Valentine's Day downtown at Pascucci's (of course!) and we had a really good time. It's the first date we've been on in forever! I think we need to go on more dates.

That is all the update I have time for, I guess, other than the fact that my wallet is very light-weight these days. But thats a given...ha! Enjoy your day!

...

To sum it all up:

-I haven't been able to sell a single knit item.
-Financial Aid took away my Pell Grant because they changed my major from 'Nursing' to 'CNA' and apparently, its "nonfundable."
-I am swimming in homework and I think I may drown.
-Rain is supposed to be cleansing, but lately, it brings me sadness.
-My living situation next year is a gigantic mess. I think I may be going it alone (well...I do have Precious...).
-The constant 'shitty' feeling has been looming over my head again. All week.
-Trying to make friends in my classes. It just proves that I am too far away and no one wants to hang out with me.
-I've realized Dr. Tanowitz is like my closest friend. I basically tell him everything. It feels like he is the only one who even asks or cares.

Physically and mentally, I feel like I should explode into a million pieces. My skin is crawling. I feel stuck again.

"One day can change your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is is three or four big days that change everything." -Beverly D'Onofrio

Current Forecast...

Yesterday I had my first experiments in Lab for Microbiology. We took samples from dozens of different objects (cutting boards, sponges, door handles, water fountain bowls, stair railings, paper money, coins, fingernails, etc) and are incubating them until tomorrow morning. We will find out how dirty all those things REALLY are...ew. Absolutely disgusting. I also found out that the average $100 bill not only had cocaine on it, but SEMEN! YEAH! -.-;

This past weekend was quite explosive. I am basically just retarded. And I don't get along with people. And Joey's friends think we'd be better off if we broke up which has got me bumming out. But who can blame them when all they hear is Joey complaining about me? How did it get that way? We're trying to figure out housing and whether or not we'll stay together for next year. I want to live closer to my school or at least compromise and get out of IV. I think its about time to move on but it isn't as easy as just talking it out, I guess.

I've sort of slipped back into the depression. At least I have Anatomy to hold on to. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have tutoring.

Hey, I am also trying to sell my knitting. For some reason, Financial Aid gave me half of the money I normally get so I need money NOW and FAST! Please support me if you could use the extra headband/hat! It's all personalized! Look me up on Facebook under: KnitHuni or www.myspace.com/aquamarinetopaz

Thanks for tuning in. Until next time...