My Fun.

First week of school went really well. I've been in an unusually optimistic mood all week (until tonight, of course, but we'll get to that later). Wednesdays are brutal. 2 labs, both 3 hours, a 3 hour lecture and another normal lecture. 9am to 9pm, back to back to back to back. But it's fun! School is fun for me now. Micro is SUPER hard, but everything we will learn pertains to my interest. Same goes for both Physiology and Pathophysiology. I honestly think Gym will be my hardest class.

Tutoring is great! I have all 3 of Barry's labs and I am also running the Friday open lab again. Each lab, I have been so into helping people that I look at the clock and feel sad when it's over. I feel like I could tutor and teach the new students for days on end without feeling tired. I feel great. I feel like it's filled a void in my life that I have been missing forever.

Gio's asked me to come back for one day a week. CHEAP PIZZA! That was my downfall and why I am taking the Gym course this semester...

I feel like I have got it all together. I've got my study group who are all taking the same classes as me and we have the same fun when learning. Precious is doing so well in my apartment. She's not afraid of noises anymore and was actually eating grass and chasing lizards outside today! I am so happy to see her when I come home. It is definitely helping the depression that I have been in for the past 6 months.

That is...all up until tonight.

It's amazing how one person who you don't even care about can make optimism shrink to the size of a pea in just a few sentences. I really don't like being criticized for hating IV, not finding partying every weekend to be awesome and being called an old lady. Okay, so I call myself an old lady, but for jokes. It doesn't feel as good when someone else calls you an old lady and rolls their eyes at you.

I try, but I simply don't get along with people my age, I guess. Almost all the people I actually enjoy hanging out with are older. Or have the same interests as I do: like school. School is fun for me. I don't think it torture. I really enjoy learning.

Maybe it's because I was never a "stellar" student in high school. I skid by just to graduate and somehow got a 3.0 out of that. I've found my stride. I feel smart for the first time in my whole life. I've found something I love (and something I don't love). I don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect and unkindness that these people (and generally Isla Vista) treat me. I am so ready to break up, move on and live somewhere where I can enjoy my own space and not hear college kids screaming, banging against things, blasting music and car alarms ALL THE EFFING TIME. I'M JUST OVER IT!!!!

I think that's all I should put for now. It's already too much and I just needed to vent. I am going to go knit now. My cat and my old lady habits have more important things to do than to get shit faced and fucked up everyone Thursday thru Saturday.

YOU'RE PAYING FOR THIS EDUCATION, SO FUCKING USE IT.

T-Minus 26.5 hours!

This past weekend, my Dad and and sister Kylie came to visit me for the first time. They only were here for 2 full days but we did so much and had such a blast. I was able to show off my amazing campus and where I live and all the beauty that is surrounding me. Kylie is considering moving down here because she has always loved the beach and she really needs to get out of Tahoe. She wants to move down in winter of next year if she does so. Joey and I are going to try and get a 2 bedroom apartment so we can accommodate for her.

There are a couple things I realized about myself this past weekend:

1) I found a new appreciation for Isla Vista. The past few months, I have been stuck in this bitter bubble and wallow in how much I hate living in IV. I can't find one thing good about it except for the things Joey enjoys. I like the beach, but you know what? I haven't even been to the beach ONCE the entire semester. I hardly ever sit out in the sun anymore, whereas last year I did it religiously. I longboarded all over the place teaching Kylie the ropes and that's something I haven't done in a while. I have just become lazy and depressed and I realized that it was my own fault! I've become ungrateful for what I have. Kylie, who is still in Tahoe with the cold and snow was so grateful to be where I live, at the beach just a few blocks away from me and here I am bitching about it. What is wrong with me? So from now on, I am going to use this to stop being such a lame-ass poo-poo head.

2) I smiled and laughed harder than I have in a LONG time. I have friends down here in SB, but I don't have that one "best friend." That's hard. I have wonderful people who are sweet and will hang out with me, but we aren't that close. Basically, my best friend is Joey and that's okay. Nothing is wrong with that. It's just that when I have had a hard day or I am becoming frustrated, instead of having a best friend to vent to, I bottle it all up and then just take it out on Joey. It's not fair on him and it's not fair on me. And I don't necessarily want a new best friend! I have Prudence who I could never replace, Jessica who is such a sweetheart and my sisters who I love more than anything! I don't want to replace anyone! I just wish we were all somewhat closer...you see my dilemma?
But in the end, I realized that if Kylie moved down here, I'd be able to have her. I'd laugh and smile and be happy again. I missed my family so much and if it weren't for Thanksgiving in just a few days, I think I might just crawl into under a rock and sleep for 100 years.

I leave tonight on Amtrak and should be arriving in Tahoe around noon tomorrow. Yeah, long ass trip but it's worth it when you're going where I am going. I am so homesick and I won't be home for all of December, including my twenty-first birthday. I cannot wait to hold my furry cats, kiss their wiskered faces, and hear them purr so loud. I cannot wait to smell the fresh air and the pine trees. I cannot wait to have a legitimate excuse to wear scarves, turtle-necks, sweaters, and Ugg boots. I cannot wait to hug my mommy, smell her spicy perfume, and have her yell at me for being too skinny. I miss the smell of her cooking, of the couch, of the pillow, of the house! I want to drink tasty water from the tap! I miss it so much and it's so close, yet so far!

T-minus 26.5 hours!!!!