Tutoring is great! I have all 3 of Barry's labs and I am also running the Friday open lab again. Each lab, I have been so into helping people that I look at the clock and feel sad when it's over. I feel like I could tutor and teach the new students for days on end without feeling tired. I feel great. I feel like it's filled a void in my life that I have been missing forever.
Gio's asked me to come back for one day a week. CHEAP PIZZA! That was my downfall and why I am taking the Gym course this semester...
I feel like I have got it all together. I've got my study group who are all taking the same classes as me and we have the same fun when learning. Precious is doing so well in my apartment. She's not afraid of noises anymore and was actually eating grass and chasing lizards outside today! I am so happy to see her when I come home. It is definitely helping the depression that I have been in for the past 6 months.
That is...all up until tonight.
It's amazing how one person who you don't even care about can make optimism shrink to the size of a pea in just a few sentences. I really don't like being criticized for hating IV, not finding partying every weekend to be awesome and being called an old lady. Okay, so I call myself an old lady, but for jokes. It doesn't feel as good when someone else calls you an old lady and rolls their eyes at you.
I try, but I simply don't get along with people my age, I guess. Almost all the people I actually enjoy hanging out with are older. Or have the same interests as I do: like school. School is fun for me. I don't think it torture. I really enjoy learning.
Maybe it's because I was never a "stellar" student in high school. I skid by just to graduate and somehow got a 3.0 out of that. I've found my stride. I feel smart for the first time in my whole life. I've found something I love (and something I don't love). I don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect and unkindness that these people (and generally Isla Vista) treat me. I am so ready to break up, move on and live somewhere where I can enjoy my own space and not hear college kids screaming, banging against things, blasting music and car alarms ALL THE EFFING TIME. I'M JUST OVER IT!!!!
I think that's all I should put for now. It's already too much and I just needed to vent. I am going to go knit now. My cat and my old lady habits have more important things to do than to get shit faced and fucked up everyone Thursday thru Saturday.
YOU'RE PAYING FOR THIS EDUCATION, SO FUCKING USE IT.
You are not alone, Honey. I always had older friends. Now I am one of them haha! There is absolutely nothing wrong with not p-artying, you are doing something with your life while you have the opportunity. Those other kids are thrwoing their life away and they are going to regret it. Big time. Especially when they end up either working at Wal-Mart or in college in their thirties, like me. I partied for a couple of years and wish that I would have jsut gone on and done what I needed to do. Now I have a family and it's 20x harder than it would have been if I'd done it at your age. You are going to make the best nurse ever, go get 'em!!!
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