I sort of feel like an idiot after that last blog. Karma kicked me in the ass.
Yesterday, there was a very good chance that I had a miscarriage.
I am just as surprised as you are.
Yes, I am on birth control.
The more I think about it being a possibility the more it seems to be true.
I had all the symptoms and I thought it was because I had started taking birth control again this month. But something was different and I felt it, and in the back of my mind I knew that.
I started my period on Monday, a week earlier than normal. It was heavy and I had severe cramping all week...much more so than in usual months when I am on b/c. Yesterday, I changed my tampon and found this membrane on the toilet. I, the anatomist I am, was super intrigued and I picked it up and checked it out (I know, I am gross). Then I realized it was not a clot because it was huge, for one; and two it looked just like placental tissue. It was membranous, vascular, and shiny. It looked just like the stuff that was wrapped around my cat when she was born in my closet. I got so freaked out, I threw it down the toilet and flushed it away.
FYI: NEVER DO THAT. Always bring in tissue samples when you go to the doctor. Me, the pre-nursing major, couldn't even remember that.
I went to the doctor and they said that it was more than likely I had an early pregnancy spontaneous abortion. I took a urine test and did not come up positive, which means that I probably passed everything. This is good because anything left inside can cause infection. This also means that it may have not have been a pregnancy, but something more dangerous. Its so abstract that I wont even mention it.
This how I felt:
1) My NuvaRing was expired and I didn't realize it until a week after I put it in. I contacted my provider and they suggested it would still be safe to use until the end of the cycle. It probably wasn't safe to use.
2) I was off b/c for 2-3 months prior to this month. I had a very light period during that time. They really weren't even "real" periods.
3) I had breast tenderness for 2-3 weeks and they grew so much that I couldn't wear my normal bras anymore. I usually have breast tenderness before I menstruate, but this was different. This wasn't even tenderness, this was painful.
4) I have been ravenously hungry.
5) I have been bloated and my lower abs felt "full" for the past few weeks. I thought it was because of the hormones.
6) I broke out (pimples) like crazy 2-3 weeks ago. I have never had so many blemishes on my face. I thought it was because of the b/c. It was a major change.
7) I've been more tired than usual.
All these signs point to it, so I am going to assume that's what it was. My flow is much lighter today, which is also ruling out the dangerous factor. More than likely, I miscarried.
Even though I didn't plan this and I didn't want to keep it, I still found myself incredibly sad last night. I still felt grief and sorrow that my body had created a life and for whatever reason decided it wasn't time. I am very happy to not be pregnant, but a part of me is also sad because I want to be a mother eventually. I hope this problem is not permanent.
I have much more sympathy for women out there. If I ended up being pregnant, I still would have had an abortion, but thinking about it doesn't seem like its such an easy decision anymore. I was naive to think it was. It wouldn't be something to take lightheartedly. I now understand why some women could hesitate during a decision with an unplanned pregnancy. It takes a lot of courage and strength.
So sorry to hear this, Honey. It is more than likely this is what you experienced. I understand how difficult this is. But take heart that most miscarriages are a random thing. I had one in between my two boys at six weeks. I look at it as a life that just wasn't meant to exist. The powers that be decided against something that our bodies created. Whatever the reason is, you are going to go on and get your life the way it needs to be and then have beautiful babies. You will get what you deserve. And don't think it was karma that brought this on because you were totally right. Some people in this world have children that they absolutely do not deserve. It kills me to see these wonderful babies in the arms of parents who don't even care about the lives that they created. Nature works in strange ways sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAs always if you need to talk, contact me, okay? :)
hang in there girlie, it does get better, I promise!