Evil.

I've lost this battle. I cannot do it anymore.

It was easy to think you could become insignificant to me. It was harder to actually treat it that way. I've pushed you out of my life as far as I could possibly reach hoping that one day all would cease to exist. I was hoping that maybe one day, everything would go away and apologies would be exchanged. Neither of those days has yet to come.

Instead of the situation ceasing to exist, some friends of mine have ceased to exist in my life. And a part of my relationship has ceased to exist. I've been pretending too long and been fighting too hard. It's unnecessary. It's exhausting. And I frankly cannot do it anymore.

You are not in my life and yet you still find a way to ruin it. It's like you've strategically planted a bomb and I can hear the ticking to detonation but the bomb is no where to be found. How do I rid myself of your evil? How many times must I cleanse? For how long do I have to campaign myself to my friends? For how long must the issue linger over my head in my relationship? What price do I have to pay to make you disappear? Why, in the first place, is it my price to pay?

You've turned people against me and for what cost to you? To make yourself look worthy? To win the body count? Well then, you've won. You've topped me. There is no longer a need to compete because there is no competing with you. You worm your way into everything and somehow come out successful in nearly everything you do. How is that? I have the hardest time wondering how anyone could see you in a good eye. You're murky. You're in slim light. You're true colors sometimes show but they are quickly covered with empty words. You're a shadow of a man.

I hold so much anger and frustration because of you. You make my life so difficult and I am so ready to see you leave this continent. To not walk on the same soil as you will be so relieving. But, alas, upon your return this will all resume because that's how you are. Evil.

And that says a lot, because I didn't believe in evil until I saw you.

California girls, we're undeniable ;)

So what's new with me? Well a whole damn lot, that's for sure!

This previous Monday, I got a tutoring gig for a maternity class. Here's the thing: I have never taken a maternity class, Ha! My friend hooked me up so that I can unofficially take this class while simultaneously tutor it. It's actually quite grand! I am enjoying every minute of it...as I want to be a midwife when I "grow up!" Its Monday, Tuesday and Thursday from 8am-3pm for 2 weeks, so its already half way over! Sort of depressing...

Speaking of tutoring, I got my hours worked out with my professor again for the fall. I wont be tutoring as much Anatomy as I would like, but I've got some Physio hours, some more maternity hours, and I picked up a few hours reviewing Anatomy and Physiology with the Nursing students. Again...with that friend who hooks me up. ;)

At work, I am working between 35-40 hours a week. Sort of crazy exhausting, but its money and textbooks are expensive. Plus, Gio's is sort of fun. I enjoy messing around with all the co workers so it isn't too terrible. The tips have been great as there are lots of large order for companies and camps. No complaints there. Minus the fact my car has been giving me mild panic attacks because the "CHECK ENGINE" light comes on randomly. Yeah, RANDOMLY!

In the most important news, I started my belly dancing class today! It is FABULOUS! I will definitely be taking more classes with Alexandra. She is wonderful and I really dig her. We're working on American Tribal Style right now and we will be having a performance in December! Her advanced classes are coming up at UCSB and I hope to take those later in the fall. I've got a Serpentine video coming done by Rachel Brice that I hope to get me more prepared for the advanced ATS class. SO STOKED!

I really wish I could make it back to Tahoe before summer is over. I can't believe I start school so soon from now. It's already the 5th of August?! I don't believe it. Crap. That means I have bills to pay...

Busy, busy, busy! My life isn't filled with so much knitting anymore...it makes me sad. But belly dancing is opening me up again! I was on such a high after class tonight...all the zills and the moves and the music! I just feel like this fire was reignited within me! Even after just one class, I can feel totally different about myself. I feel increases in my confidence, my energy, my happiness...no wonder I have been so depressed these two years! I am finally taking the initiative and doing something for myself. Any of ya'll who can't keep up, well you will be left to eat my dust. :)

Ciao!

P.S. Check my Youtube channel for some of my random tid bits! :)
http://www.youtube.com/user/hunibuni121507

Helllllo, Youtube!

Let's see how this Youtube stuff works!

http://www.youtube.com/user/hunibuni121507