Life has CONSUMED ME! But I am fine. I popped out alive after the past few weeks I have been having. Last Wednesday (also known as Brutal Wednesday because I am in school from 9-9 with only an hour break) I had two HUGE midterms. One was for my Microbiology Lab and it was the most excrutiating midterm I have ever taken in my whole life. I would much prefer to get shot in the vagina 8 times before ever taking that stupid midterm ever again. Then, later that day, I had a Physiology midterm and as you may know, I have a very low grade in that class because I BOMBED the first midterm. The pressure was up and the anxiety even higher. It was a rough week.
Tomorrow, I had my first Pathophysiology midterm due. I am nervous. Its an online class and it has been open book most of the time but not this midterm. Ugh! I just wish I could be on Spring Break already, but I don't have mine until NEXT WEEK! And even then, I have to write a research paper during that time for this stupid online class. How irritating is that?!
Work is still going well. I love tutoring and I am only working 1 day at Gio's. It's very nice that Ixchelle and Matt have been nice enough to let me request my wishes. It's great and I am very fortunate.
In the love news: things are on the up once again! I've really been trying hard to change my attitude this week. I've been so rotten and negative since August. It's terrible. Joey told me that he doesn't think he wants to live with me next year because of how horrible I have made it for him. That was the hardest news I have ever had to hear in my whole life because it was true. I'd die if I lost him. And to think that he has been so unhappy because of my rotten attitude just makes me want to run and jump off the biggest cliff! But of course, instead of doing that, I am going to work my ass off to be happier and make this last semester together enjoyable for the both of us. Doing this is not only for him because I don't enjoy being such a sour puss. Its been a very productive week everything is going great. Now he is up in Auburn with his pops visiting for his Spring Break. I think these two weeks apart will be good for us but I am still very sad that right when things turn for the better, we can't spend time with each other. I am trying to pull myself out of this rut I have put myself into. When I am alone, its so hard to concentrate and study because the haunting thought of my own boyfriend/roommate not wanting to live with me next year is enough to make me physically sick (and it has). He deserves so much and I am so afraid its too late for me to make it up to him. I am TERRIFIED that if I make one tiny mistake that the whole relationship will fall apart and there is nothing we can do to repair it. Every night I have nightmares about losing him...some nights its more than one. I don't know how to make these thoughts go away!
I have a constant ache in the pit of my stomach. I need to get my act together because 10-20 years from now, I am going to regret so much! Not only losing the best thing that has ever happened to me, but losing my fun, losing my youth and losing the times I could be happy instead of being depressed.
"Ten to twenty years from now, you are going to regret more of what you DIDN'T do, than what you DID do."
Bottom's up!
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